In Savoury:

Lemon-Coriander Chicken Curry

Ingredients:

· Chicken	· [Whole chicken in pieces[1]]
· Lemons	· [2-3 big ones[2]]
· Onions	· [3-4 white onions]
· Coriander leaves	· [Fresh, a bunch]
· Green Chillies	· [Fresh, 6 medium sized]
· Garlic	· [Fresh, 6 cloves]
· Ginger	· [Fresh, 2 inches]
· Red Chili Powder	· [1-2 teaspoons]
· Turmeric Powder	· [0.5 - 0.75 teaspoon]
· Coriander Powder	· [2-3 teaspoons]
· Cumin Powder	· [1-2 teaspoons]
· Garlic Powder	· [2-3 teaspoons]
· Ginger Powder	· [1-2 teaspoons]
· Paprika	· [A pinch, no more]
· Salt	· [To taste]
· Ground Nutmeg[3]	· [A pinch or two]
· Whole Cardamom	· [4 of them]
· Whole Cinnamon	· [A few sticks]
· Whole Cloves	· [4-5 of them]
· Vegetable Oil	· [5 tablespoons[4]]
· Coarse Dried Red Chili[5]	· [2-3]
· Tomato	· [ a half of a tomato]
[Also, get some fresh naan or roti and/or some yoghurt]

[1] Or you can use 6-8 breast fillets, but the bones help make curry taste good... breast fillets are wishy washy, conceited and lazy.

[2] Or 4-5 little ones...

[3] If you have whole nutmeg and need to grind it – break open the shell and grind the soft seed you find inside. Nutmeg is a hallucinogen. Don’t use too much. And for those of you idiots who are going to take that bit of info and run, do a bit of a research, I've heard it's not fun.

[4] Do not use Olive Oil as a substitute in this recipe as the taste comes out a bit odd.

[5] I know there is a lot of chilli in this recipe – try to cut down whatever you can’t handle. My advice? Keep the green chillies and the red chilli powder, and leave the coarse ground red chilli out – besides it’s hard to find.

Method:

Pour Vegetable Oil into pan. Heat it a little [medium-high heat]
Dice Onions. Fry till golden brown and nice-smelling.
Chop 1 Green Chilli and dump it in the frying pan. Fry a little.
Dump in: Cardamom, Cinnamon, Cloves and Garlic. Fry for ten seconds. [Or however long it takes you to bring the chicken near the hob…].
Dump Chicken in. Fry.
Add: Salt, Paprika, Ground Nutmeg and Coarse Dried Red Chili [if you choose to use the coarse dried red chili that is] in. Stir everything up. Things should start smelling nice right about now. Fry for about 2-3 minutes.
Add: Red Chili Powder, Cumin Powder, Coriander Powder, Turmeric Powder, Fresh tomato [yes, cut it up first] and the Fresh Garlic [you can either cut these up or put in whole after peeling]. Pour 2 glasses of water in. Leave on high heat.
Slice the fresh Ginger into thin disks. Add to the curry. Let the water dry, then start frying it a little[1].
Put in: Garlic Powder and Ginger Powder. Stir the mixture while it’s frying [for about ten seconds] and then add about 5-6 glasses of water.
Cover, lower heat, and let simmer for about 20 minutes[2]. [while the 20 minutes pass, peel the lemons, cut them up – no, we’re not squeezing, treat them like vegetables – and pick out the seeds, set aside.
If, after the 20 minutes have passed, the water has not dried up, raise the heat to high and ‘dry’ the curry.
Add half a glass of water. And the cut up lemons.
Chop the Green Chilies and the Fresh Coriander and dump it all in.
Fry everything a bit. Smell it. But don’t get burnt.
If it doesn’t smell right, chances are it either needs some Coriander Powder, Red Chili Powder, Salt or Oil. Add whichever things you think are missing, and stir it [you might want to add a tiny bit of water as it might start burning if everything is too dry and you continue frying it]. Done!

Serve with Naan or Roti and place a dish with cold plain yoghurt in it.

[1] The frying will automatically start once the water in the pan dries up. The water should evaporate in no more than ten minutes – if it’s taking too long, raise the heat.

[2] Make sure to keep checking the level of water every 5 minutes.

In Sweet:

Cinnamon Apple Popless-Tarts

Ingredients: Tarts

Apples	[6-7 Normal Apples]
Cinnamon	8-9 sticks]
Butter[1]	[1 cup (2 sticks)]
Sugar/ Sweetner	[To taste[2]]
Egg	[1, just the one]
Milk	[1 tablespoon]
Flour	[a third of a cup – all purpose[3]]
Baking Powder	[three quarters of a teaspoon]
Salt	[a quarter of a taspoon]
Vanilla Essence	[a few drops]

[1] You can use half a cup of vegetable oil instead. Add more if needed.

[2] Using Normal Apples negates the need for sweetner or sugar...

[3] As in normal flour... just normal

Method: Tarts

Peel and dice Apples. Place the diced Apples in a saucepan.
Put in some Sugar or Sweetner, if you want. Put in the Cinnamon sticks.
Pour 1-2 glass[es] of water in the pan. Place on the hob – low heat. Let this cook until the apples are really soft [this can take quite a bit of time – top up the water if it gets dry] and then mash them with a potato mashed or the back of a large spoon. You should get a nice paste – pick out the cinnamon sticks and set it aside.
While the apples are cooking, start on the pastry.
LIQUID SECTION: Mix the butter, egg, vanilla essence and milk together in a bowl.
DRY SECTION: In another bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar/sweetner [if using].
Add the liquid section to the dry section and fold and mix slowly. You should eventually have a nice dough. If it’s too watery and sticky-sticky, put some more flour in and knead it, if it’s too dry and crumbly, but a tablespoon or so of water in it.
Clean a surface area [properly!] where you can roll out the dough. Lightly spread some flour on the surface and using a rolling pin, roll out the dough until you get a thin 2-3mm thick flat disk of the dough.
Using a butter knife [or if you happen to have a pastry cutter use that, instead] cut out rectangles [about 3X4 inches]. If any flour is left, roll it out again and cut out more rectangles…
Okay, now take one rectangle, place it on a floured plate, take a tablespoon of the apple paste and put it on the rectangle.
Place another rectangle on top of the apple paste.
Then take a fork and press down the edges so that the two rectangles stick together [with the apple in between]. Do this with all the other rectangles.
Put them in a pre-heated [180ͦc] oven for 20 minutes – though it may take up to 40 minutes. KEEP CHECKING THEM! Sometimes the apple paste comes out and makes a mess, sometimes the edges may burn. I’d say ignore them for 15 minutes – then keep popping back to check on how they’re doing.

Once they’re done, they should be smelling lovely. Take them out carefully [use mittens, for crying outloud!], and proceed to the icing [below].

Ingredients: Icing

Icing Sugar/ Sweetner	[2-3 cups]
Milk	[1 Tablespoon[1]]
Love	A lot

[1] You may need an ickle bit more, though.

Method: Icing

Spoon some of the icing sugar or the sweetner into a bowl.
Add a few drops of milk, mix.
Add a few more drops of milk, mix.
Keep doing this until you get a gooey condensed mix. How thick you want it, is up to you.
Then take the done apple tarts, and put about a tablespoon of icing on each one. Even if it’s a little liquidy, the icing will eventually fasten in place[1].

[1] If not, then there’s nothing wrong with a messy dessert. If it’s really bothering you, though, all I can say is put it in the freezer for about ten-twenty seconds and it should stay still.

Make sure you don’t burn yourself when you bite in because sometimes the apple paste inside stays very hot. Serve Cinnamon Apple Popless Tarts with nothing. They’re fine on their own. Ok fine, if you want to, you can add some ice-cream – Cornish Vanilla is best. That or custard.